I would like to thank Margaret for posting a link to this story on her blog. I’d like to do the same. It is a fascinating chronicle about the life of a young gay man in rural Oaklahoma and should be a wake up call to the gay rights movement, which, it seems, has recently done itself more harm than good.
I actually read this article about a month earlier on Margaret’s site. I appreciated its efforts to give a balanced look at the situation, without demonizing either side.
Nevertheless, when you’re dealing with demons, what can you do? Even though the story itself seemed largely unbiased, the descriptions of the anti-gay faction were enough to make me think, what a disgusting bunch of people. Like that fool of a minister who seemed to think that hedonism and infidelity are purely gay traits: “The next sweetie that comes along and you are yesterday’s news. It’s all about vanity and bodies.” As though all heterosexual couples were models of loyalty and love. Or the protesters who love their neighbors and turn the other cheek one day, and are screaming about divine revenge the next.
I think that sort of hypocrisy is what angers me about extremely religious conservatives the most. I can understand physical repulsion, but I can’t for the life of me understand people who claim to be loving and compassionate and yet justify hatred and abuse as laudable qualities. If the universe really works the way they insist it does, I’d think they would be the first to hit the flames.
That said, I’m not sure that the gay rights movement could ultimately have done anything else, although perhaps you have specific examples of what you mean. They were asking for a pretty basic right, albeit a right that’s heavily linked to the institutions that condemn them, and I can’t see any more delicate way of going about it. Blacks wanted the right to be free at one time, and faced a similar mob of mindlessness.
In short, every marginalized group demanding acceptance and equal treatment is going to be in for a fight from those who think they should just shut up and sit in the back of the bus. And those demands may rally enough opposition to do some serious initial damage to their cause. But for a group that is serious about equal treatment, and not seperate-but-equal treatment, I don’t think this is a conflict that can – or should – be avoided.
Thanks, caller, for your feedback.
Regarding the fundamentalist nutcases, I don’t think they are worth reasoning. Kinda like the extremist Muslims who want to destroy the US and Western civilization… we don’t reason with them, we kill them. However, sometimes this battle does a great disservice to those Muslims who are not fanatics and do not wish to obliterate cultures other than their own. There people are the ones we try to co-exist with.
The same is true for the Christian fundamentalists in this country. Although I can’t imagine Phelps ever going to a gay bar, other than to picket, protest or proselytize, that’s not the demographic to concentrate on.
I think that over the past 30 years, as more and more people have come out, people are finding that they know and love gay people. This is good. However, it does not mean that these straight friends will suddenly enlist themselves in the struggle for gay rights. Do you have some black friends? Do you attend anti-racism rallies and concern yourself with causes that affect the black community? Probably not, unless such causes directly affect you.
The religious right in this country has led many religious people to beleive that gay marriage is a threat to the institution of marriage. Now, pretty much anyone can get married… rich or poor. Inter-racial marriage was fought because whites were scared of loosing their priviliged status based solely on the color of their skin. Since any two idiots (male and female) can get married, it becomes a way for otherwise losers to distinguish themselves. It is one of the few remaining state sanctioned markers of privilege. Clearly married couples are more highly values than non-married ones and singles.
Thus, the christian right has scared billi and bobbi traler park telling them that if gays can married, their priviliged status will mean nothing. That’s the big problem. Most educated individuals, even if they do not particularly like gay people, will acquiesce to the notion of gay marriage. Some already have, and most others will, in time. However, in the meanwhile, these people incited by the christian right have mounted a crusade to preserve their status, thus attempting to slow or reverse the natural trend of average, fair minded folks coming around to the idea.
Thus, we can expect the propaganda to continue from the crazies. What needs to be done is a counter-offensive not in courts, but in the court of public opinion. Frankly, lawsuits and judicial decrees are seen as offputting and heavy handed – and rightly so! Propaganda needs to be fought with propaganda, not lawyers. One particularly effective commercial is of a man calling and leaving a message on a home voicemail machine, saying “uh, honey, late day at the office, be home late.” Then a voiceover says “what’s wrong with gay marriage? the same things that are wrong with straight marriage. support same sex marriage.”
It’s simple, not offensive to reasonable individuals, and something that will stay with you. Contrast this to a court decision that few will read and even fewer will understand. To remain on the offensive IS crucial, but how we wage the fight will determine the outcome.