Over the past few years I’ve made some dramatic choices in my life. I guess the most dramatic was joining the Peace Corps and venturing half way around the world for 2 1/2 years. Those times were tough but rewarding, and I don’t regret them at all. However, after I was finished with the Peace Corps I could have either gone right to law school or taken some time off. I decided to do the latter, and although I had originally wanted to do a cross-country road trip, I ended up taking a VISTA position in Maine. Thinking about that decision now, with just a few months left, I think I made a mistake.
I had hoped that Maine would be a rustic welcoming place, but instead I found it cold and suspicious. I imagine that part of the difficulty I experienced here was the fact that I was transitioning; we are warned by the Peace Corps that re-adjustment is a difficult process. But I can’t help but feel that I’ve wasted precious time here, and frankly that feeling just sucks. I have come to realize that I need to be in an environment that is more conducive to socialization. I’m not a giant party animal but I like to have things to do and a good group of friends to do them with (who doesn’t?) Unfortunately, as an outsider, I’ve had a really hard time establishing that here.
This lack has led me to question myself and since I tend to be my harshest critic, it’s kinda a depressing cycle. I have had my moments of expanding beyond my comfort zone, but things just haven’t clicked on a satisfactory level. Though there have been some great moments and people, these have been fragmented and too far in between. I yearn to belong somewhere and no longer be transient, but I haven’t found that place yet, and so continue to search, always looking out for what may lie just around the corner.
I can understand your feeling, but consider this: if you were likely bound for some kind of readjustment stress, which was likely to be bad regardless of where you were, then perhaps you did make the right decision to not do something exciting, fulfilling and career-building. Doing a shit job or being in a lame place could have been exactly the right way to move on from what came before it. After all, it would be a mistake to think that life would just get more and more exciting and fulfilling with each step we take – rather it goes in cycles. If you’d gone straight to law school, you might have had a hard time dealing with the intense competitiveness, single-mindedness and inexperienced world view of your peers, which would have made that experience a bitter one.
And don’t worry, my friend, you have lots of time. I will see you this summer.
Maybe being frustrated in Maine is just gearing you up to be hungry for law school? I’m thinking my own current career muddle is helping me sort out how I will make the best of my next job.
Also–visiting. My May weekends are totally booked up: Walk for Hunger, Nate’s graduation, Mother’s day, etc. Can we do a weekday visit?
Thanks you both, you are totally right 🙂 I just needed to get that out. Dan, look forward to seeing you this summer, and Kate, send me an email and we’ll hammer something out.