As I prepare to graduate in a month, I must admit that I’m not in the happiest of places. While some parts of New Orleans have been good for me (such as becoming a less inhibited dancer,) I never really fell in with any crowd here. During my first two years I attempted to host a lot of events, but due to a general lack of reciprocity, I just kinda threw in the towel.

I’m also getting tired of being single. Someone did recently captivate my heart; for our brief time together, I felt as if I had found my other half. But, as Hedwig so told, perhaps our destiny was but as “lonely two-legged creatures.”

Maybe it’s my itinerant lifestyle… I’ve become the consummate outsider. Still, I long for that which I’ve glimpsed in others; committed relationships that may indeed be separated by great distance. Either I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve or just looking around in my own world, too shy (shy).

While such pity parties are best not attended too often, I am mindful that insanity is often described as “doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result each time.” Is that me? As a deeply curious person, I’m always trying to learn from others and improve myself along the way.

In these uncertain times, I often feel adrift in an amoral universe, pushing forward with what little we know into a future we can not possibly comprehend. Maybe it’s time I made peace with such uncertainty and just enjoyed the ride… but that little voice always manages to rise above the din to ask: “but what are you doing?” I don’t have an answer. What would you say? What keeps you grounded? Have you settled?

So as I prepare to leave once again, to return to the unfamiliar, I can see the highway receding in the rear view mirror, flat and anonymous. Did I succeed or did I fail (both myself and others)? Did this journey take me forward or did it starkly expose my limits? Am I doing the right thing?

Dear reader, thanks for sticking this one out; its been difficult to write but I needed to do it. Wishing you well, from here, for now,

~WD