Category Archives: Funny Stuff

They said it really loud, they said it on the air, on the radio…

So Friday on the Mike Malloy show, Mike was discussing the story about the Marines in Iraq killing innocent civilians. Doing a great job as usual, he had been contrasting the statements made by the Iraqi prime minister with the White House spin that he had been “misquoted.” For those of you who missed this one, the Iraqi prime minister said the following:

“This is a phenomenon that has become common among many of the multinational forces. No respect for citizens, smashing civilian cars and killing on a suspicion or a hunch. It’s unacceptable.”

Although Condoleezza Rice has not subsequently repudiated those words, she followed, albeit less vocally, the trajectory taken by WH spokesman, Tony Snow as evidenced by this back and forth with Helen Thomas:

Q Where does he say he was misinterpreted?

MR. SNOW: Well, unfortunately, Helen, I have just tried to — what I’m trying is to relate to you, through Ambassador Khalilzad, through me, what was told to him through an interpreter by the Prime Minister. And it becomes a little convoluted, and so I don’t want to make a real clear characterization, because it’s a little hazy to me, too. All right? What I do know is that he was misquoted, he’s looking into it. But that what he said, and when he said it, and in reaction to what is a little gauzy.

Q You’re not telling us what he said.

MR. SNOW: But I don’t know exactly what he said. All I’m doing is giving you the characterization I repeated through the Ambassador. I’m trying my best to be your advocate on this one. But I did not have a direct conversation with the Ambassador — I mean, with the Prime Minister. But it’s interesting to note that you have — violence against civilians has become a “daily phenomenon by many troops in the American-led coalition who did not respect the Iraqi people.” This is gauzian in and of itself. It doesn’t refer to American troops. It talks about troops in an American-led coalition, which also involves Iraqi troops. I don’t know what this means. I wish I did, and I wish I could give you clearer guidance.

Anyway, Mike was taking some calls after the segment about this little incident was finished. After commiserating with an upset New Yorker, Arnold called in.

LISTEN HERE!!

Hurts soooo good,

Car, Keys, Wallet

Ever do something totally in earnest and then realize you’ve in fact done something quite funny?

This is a note that I wrote to myself a few days ago. The Gun refers to a lighter in the shape of a shotgun that I wanted to buy for my kitchen stove. The Bank refers to a trip to the bank to collect my new ATM card. Lastly, the $ refers to the $20 I wanted to exchange while at the bank. There you have it.

PSA

I’m working now as a waiter, so sometimes my shift doesn’t start until 4:00. So on days like these I indulge in my guilty TV pleasure: Court Shows. My two favorite are Judge Judy (classic – can’t be beat) and The People’s Court (a close 2nd.) Although these shows themselves could probably be the source of plenty of commentary, I’ll refrain for now.

What gets me more is the advertising that is shown during the commercial breaks. Most of it, predictably is cheezy… “Bank turned you down for a loan??? CALL US!” “Need a car??? CALL US!!” “Need phone service?? CALL US!!!” Then there are the career focused commercials. Most of us can probably recall Sally Struthers quickly reading the list of home degree programs including such professions as TV/VCR Repair and Refrigeration. Although that classic is not to be seen anymore these days, it has been replaced by what I’d like to call the 2nd generation cheezy job ads. The most popular career advertised is as a medical assistant. You know those annoying people that stand between you and your doctor with hundreds of forms? Yeah, those people. This I have been used to for a while. The other top category is as some sort of minor level creative professional… i.e. graphic design. But I’ve recently seen commercials for a different job.

Aircraft engine maintenance.

Yep. So I guess that the demographic which needs the “Local Phone Company” and career options as massage therapists is the same from which individuals who service the engines of the aircraft we fly are drawn. Now, don’t get me wrong. Jobs as medical billing specialists are honest jobs, and it is good to have a country of workers, not public assistance recipients. However, when it comes to maintaining aircraft engines, be they Pratt and Whitneys in Cessnas or Rolls Royces in Boeings, I’d rather the mechanics not be drawn from the daytime TV crowd.

But, perhaps I’m being a little harsh. After all, with the way the economy has been for manufacturing jobs, there are probably plenty of former workers whose jobs have been shipped off to China or Mexico watching Judge Judy tell it like it is to minor scumbags. I am, after all, haunted by Michael Moore’s Roger and Me. So whether this is just a scary fact or an indication of a larger sobering reality, I’m not ready to say. But as soon as I see Homeland Defense on the big list, then perhaps I’ll duck, and cover.

Hot or Not

So I’m about to go to bed, but I decide to check my email one more time. This is what I get from a friend…

Matt’s Take on the DNC

waa waa waa waa waa waa      John Kerry!
 
tst tst tst tst tst tst tst    John Kerry!
 
meuk meuk meuk meuk meuk meuk meuk    John Kerry!
 
arr arr arr arr arr arr arr arr   John Kerry!
 
John Kerry!