Category Archives: Personal Life

Mental Juncture

I’m entering a period of real oddness and contradiction now. Things are great and things suck. First off, what’s good. School – that is, my job is kinda moving more smoothly. I feel that we are getting more out of class, and that the trajectory there is positive. But, if we look at life outside of school, things just ain’t so hot. You are all probably sick of hearing the word Uzbekistan, but I really do miss what I had there. Here, my lifestyle is quite comfortable – that is, I have high speed internet at my apartment and hot water at the turn of a faucet. But that which makes one’s life really complete is missing. I miss not being a part of a family and I miss not having friends around. I don’t mean to bash the people here – indeed most of them have been quite nice – but as far as anything beyond that, I’m feeling cold. I just don’t feel like I’m in the Peace Corps… instead I feel like some American who is living here and doing a job. Though I know that quality relationships take time to form, I feel myself losing interest in doing so – and frankly, I don’t like that.

I have always been a person who is in a way contradictory. I am headstrong to a fault, but depend heavily on the support of those about whom I care – friends/family. Without getting too mushy, these things are the core of life. And though I’ve often felt like an outsider, many times in my life, here the feeling is simply more acute. Now, I talk with some of my friends here and other PCVs and find out this indeed is part of the whole experience, but I do feel, largely, disassociated from my own group even. Though perhaps it was partly my fault because of my extremely odd mental state when I first arrived here in RO this past summer, I can’t shake the feeling that – though it may be a comfortable place for me to be – it is not the right place for me to be.

And if I’m doing a job to pay the bills I guess that is one thing – but this is, or is supposed to be, much more. Although I enjoy the time I have to read and explore things I’d otherwise be too busy to do, part of me feels like something is not right. I don’t know where it all comes from; surely part of it is from myself – but in all honesty, one’s environment is crucial, and that just ain’t helping.

So what does it all mean. Am I being overly-sensitive? Giving up? Waiting for the magic bullet to just appear? Or, should I trust myself, and believe that what I feel at the gut level, though it may not be rational, is something to be respected? Is that irresponsibility or liberation? What I do believe is that it is hardly ever too late – what I’m not sure about is how it all translates.

Major News

Well, so I lied. The postal system of Uzbekistan continues to function. The real reason I asked that you not send any more mail to me here is that I will no longer be here as of Wednesday.

The short story is this: Everyone in my group of volunteers has visas which expire on June 1st. Due in no small part to recent events in this country, the Uzbek government has decided to not extend our visas. So, we all have to be off of Uzbek soil by the 1st.

We were presented with a few options at this point. One of them, which I chose, was to transfer to another country and begin service there. So, on Wednesday, I will be flyling to Bucharest, Romania. There I will begin Pre Service Training once again when the latest group arrives in country on June 3rd.

I’ll have a much fuller analysis of the situation soon, maybe in a day or so, but I just wanted to let everyone know that this blog will soon chronicle my Peace Corps experience in quite a different place. Let’s hope for a bright future for Uzbekistan.

One Last Shot

Well, early Sunday I’ll be boarding an Amtrak train to Philadelphia where I’ll spend two days filling out forms and getting tons of information thrown at me. Then me and the 60 others in my group will file onto a bus which will take us to JFK airport in New York City. We’ll make our way onto a Delta airliner and take off for Istanbul, Turkey. Once we arrive, we’ll hang out at the airport for a few hours, then get on a Turkish Airways redeye to Tashkent, Uzbekistan. Once we get there, at this point, I have no idea what will happen.

As you can imagine, this is a nervous time for me. I’m wondering who the others in my group will be, where exactaly in Uzbekistan I’ll be placed, what my host family will be like, and tons of other more minor worries. But I’m not worried that I am worried. My high school swimming coach, for whom I have great respect, said, “It’s normal to have butterflies in your stomach, but you’ve got to make them fly in formation.” So I’m gonna go on that advice and be nervous, but be in control.

Tonight I went to see Foreign Aids at the American Repertory Theater in Cambridge. It was a truly great one man show. The guy is a South African performer who does costumes and personas (many of which are female.) He would morph from one to the other brilliantly. The common theme was the AIDS epidemic that is ravaging his country and the fact that the government is not addressing the issue. He told us (between the fanciful stories of his sophisticate alter egos) of how he goes to school across the country teaching about AIDS by talking about sex. It was funny, and he obviously made his presentations to the kids funny, but you could tell there was a great urgency to his message… safe sex or death. Using the themes of ignorance, timidity and fear, he cleverly connects his country’s reluctance to deal with Apartheid as similar to this current crisis. I’ve always thought it takes a very talented person to do a one man show well, so this was quite a treat.

I’ll be packing like a madman tomorrow – currently I have my stuff all over the place. But I think I have everything I need. BTW, I have a new photo gallery, and you may soon see some posts by a guest author. Plenty of surprises in the pipe although WD will be halfway around the world. I hope to keep everyone informed of both the humorous and maddening aspects of my journey, and provide plenty of photos providing I can get a decent internet connection every now and then.

So off off to Uzbekistan – off to a new challenge – and hopefully a great new chapter in my life.

Thank You

A sincere thank you to everyone who helped make my little trip possible. It was truly a pleasure to spend time with you, as you have meant so much to me over the past few years. Although I’ll miss you all, thoughts of the good times should sustain me. And to those who I was not able to see but who sent their kind words, much appreciated. It’s a bummer when we are hours away rather than minutes.

I’ll try to write a few posts this week before I head out to Philidelphia, PA for my staging on Sunday the 16th. Thanks to an extremely generous offer by Kellen, I will have a laptop with me for the trip. Now, how freequently I will have internet access is another matter entirely. But, I do plan to keep the blog updated and post new pictures as I take them. I hope you will all keep in touch through this website. The “Contact” section, now part of the top menu bar, will be updated with ways to be in touch and an email contact form.

Mid Hudson Crossing

Here I sit among the ghosts of livelihoods long lost. In this apartment building, ordinary, everywhere, anywhere, mothers, best friends, bitter ex-lovers. The edifice not far from here is a testament to past; built to last, it stands unused, shrouded in the fog of future’s night. Lonely tugs travel below it, bringing sleeping giants to new grounds. And though the streets thereby are dotted sporadically by festive reminders of the season, the plywood windows and metal shutters tell the true tale. 1880 the building reads, a placard on the side stubbornly states Redevelopment! Rejuvenation! but below that, For Lease. That which once vibrated life into the weathered walls of this and other workshops has left to far reaches of this world with obscure and outlandish names. Obsolete. And so to are gone the residents who once looked out from behind the plywood down to the street below. The street is still there, sure, but only furtive eyes ensconced in locked and alarmed automobiles see it and pray for green lights. And those who do not see the beauty that once was walk it, from the dollar store to the days spot where the cops won’t be. The sad sirens of forlorn firetrucks fill the air… and the fog rolls in.